things are just not going my way. or rather, things were already not going my way to start with.

i'm really sorry for making you angry. i know its something i owed you and i should have taken the extra step to return it to you. im sorry.

im sorry for unintentionally venting it out on you. i know i should not but when things really went out of hand, i really lost control. i really hope you will understand cause you were also once in my shoes when everyone pointed fingers at you and at that point of time, things are really uncontrollable. i know whatever i say now is meaningless as it wouldnt change anything nor bring back anything. i know you hate me more than anything now.

the hot topic was going on from lecture threatre to SIM, then all the way back to NP bus stop and even when i reached back at SIM bus stop, the topic went on. everyone was pointing fingers at me when it didnt start off with me. its okay, i will take everything, let it be all me.

i've lost 2 friends within 1200s. yes, thats how much a failure i am, just count it in seconds. i hate myself.

all i hope for this xmas is just a significant change in me. i really hate the way i am now. get me back to the person i was 2 3 months ago please.