everyone is saying that my blog entries sounds so saddist and emo.. but what can i do? i am that saddist and emo person.. maybe no one knows me well enough to know my true inner self? or was i good at covering all the misery i have when i am with them? honestly.. maybe you guys dont know me well enough?

i'm living in misery and sadness everyday for the past 19 years.. maybe its only recently that i showed it out.. i hate this life of mine.. i hate being the one always initiating and always the only one standing at the end.. no one had ever walked thru a complete journey with me ever before.. when i am happy, there is no one to share my joy.. when i am sad, there is always people encouraging me, giving me advice but no one ever walked thru with me to the very end of those unhappy times.. maybe i brought upon those miseries myself.. maybe i'm just not someone who anyone wants to walk with me thru those period of unhappiness.. no one can describe what kind of person i am in words.. can you? list out then.. i doubt anyone can list more than 5 good characteristics about me.. that goes to show how insignificant i am to the people around me.. i dont blame anyone and am in no position to blame anyone.. maybe i wasnt a good listener, counsellor, adviser when you needed someone there for you? maybe my presense just irritates whoever is around me? please inform me before you walk out on me.. at least i know and will not hope for your presense when actually you are already gone..