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Friday, September 11, 2009
BMT is over.
looking back, i really do not know how i survived through.
though i wasnt in some enhanced companies like cougar or jaguar,
not to say ninja.
yes i was in HAWK company.
proud to be there.

three months is not long,
neither is it short.
happy times, sad times.

24km route march is not as simple as thought.
i almost gave up.
tears rolled down my eyes at numerous times.
walking up the long long, neverending slope was really part of the march i wanted to fall out.
tears started to roll when i finished it and i looked at my friend panting heavily, trying to catch his breath.
i looked into him and told him that i really wanna finish this with him.
heart sank when one close mate fell out along the way.
was totally speechless and happy to see him coming back to rejoin us in some time.
tears started to roll again when i saw the end point of the 24km.
tears rolled yet again when my dearest officer looked at me and said this exact line before my parade,
"after this parade, i am no longer your PC".
bonds created. parting hurts.

parting really hurts.
regardless of who it is with.
i'm starting to feel that i do not understand the close ones around me.
they seem so near one moment,
but they seem so far the second later.
is it me who is too fucked up?
or what is it because of?
soon, all will be revealed.
i will take whatever the result shows.
bye to some.
(:

i finished typing this entry at 1:37 AM

Thursday, August 27, 2009
its been long since i blogged.
many things have happened.
happy times, sad times, tired times.

in the whole month i was away,
nothing much could have happened other than the events that happened in camp.
live firing range completed.
marksman for that.
live hand grenade throw completed.
field camp completed.
did not shower for 6 days for that.
got as dirty as you can think.
situational test completed.
it was worse than any other company could have conducted.
rifle got stunned,
had to pay back by confinement.
missed xiaoyan's birthday meetup for that.
ippt completed.
got silver for it. (:
oh well, missed by 44s to get gold.

today was a tiring day.
was feeling unwell to start the day.
had a 16km route march which really shagged me out to the max.
rushed back to coy line to find out that i was shortlisted for military police interview.
oh well, got rejected cos i insisted that i wanna go into officer's course.
but the most important thing is that,
i get to book out at 3.30pm cos i got off-in-lieu!
shiokness!

nothing much interesting in my life,
days in army are just so routined.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB! (:

i finished typing this entry at 7:05 PM

Sunday, July 12, 2009
ASK FOR MORE!

had a uber ask for more week for the whole week, practically.
the very common thing we hear everyday is HALF LEFT DOWN.

stupid things that lead to it:
sgt looking at our photos
sgt: your gf ah?
bunkmate: my sister. *grin* no lah, my gf.
sgt: trying to be funny right? down 20!

bunkmate: sir! spencer got things to ask you!
sir: yes, spencer?
me: sir! what is in your field pack? why you can jump with it and it seems so bouncy?
sir: what do you think is in it?
me: i suspect your field pack inside is newspaper!
sir: down 20!

sgt: why is there a paper in this locker?
bunkmate: i think is a love letter for samuel.
sgt: down 20!

sir: since we are waiting and got nothing to do, lets talk cock. but i know you all only interested to know if i got sis to intro, sadly, no!
me: no sis, but got cousin what!
sir: you go and do 8 pull-ups now!

sgt: lets do jumping jacks.
us: HUH!
sgt: okay, you all like to huh right? 20 counts of 4, huh huh huh lampa, jumping jacks!

and many more...............

the worst thing is i think the medic did something funny to my bunkmate and i when we had our jabs,
cos no one feels anything after the jab,
only the 2 of us who played around felt the ache in our arms till now.

guys out there who are still in the civilisation world,
please dont mess with the medic when you are getting your jab.

out of camp, there is nothing much to do.
meetups with the usual people, club with the usual boy.
i guess thats the plan for the next 2 years.
only dear and alvin calls me every week out when i book out.

mentally drained out.
there is a saying that when recruits shave their hair off, no hair, so cannot think like a normal person anymore.
its starting to be true.
HAHA!

hope my dear friends out there are fine. drink more water and strengthen your immune system.
(:

i finished typing this entry at 3:30 PM

Sunday, July 05, 2009
3 weeks have passed.
at the end of sundays, my mood will start to go low.
taking the long train journey to the other end of mainland,
walking to the end of the bus interchange.
taking out my thermometer to have my body temperature taken,
and up the bus i go...

mood continues to sink deeper when the bus starts moving towards the ferry terminal.
after a while,
the bus comes to a stop,
the doors open,
and off i go.
a brand new week ahead that i have to go through,
forced myself to smile for the new week.

getting in steps to the same old familiar place,
this particular line from one of the songs strike me:
"same old shit again".

i miss the people back in mainland.
on the other hand,
i do not know if they miss me in the first place.
all i can do is,
to protect my country in order to protect my loved ones.
你们就开开心心地生活吧.


i finished typing this entry at 4:51 PM

Saturday, June 13, 2009
2.5 more days to the temporary suspension of my civilisation days.
yep, for those who didnt know, or those who forgotten,
i am enlisting on the coming tuesday.
and yes, i will be without hair for a long period of time.
within those period of botak-ness,
i will stay at home and rot as much as i can and not leave my house,
this is to make sure those who wants to laugh at my hair wont have a chance to.

life has been pretty unkind to me,
but it was not that evil though.
oh well, for those whom i didnt contact for the whole of last week,
im sorry.

this period really showed me who is by me all these while and who is not.

within that week, i did several things i thought i wouldnt do in my life at all.
first up, mahjong.
i have never understood the game and am really confused by the many different pictures, patterns on the tile.
i never wanted to learn it, hence making me an on-looker when my close ones played.
now, i am in the nursery class of mahjong.
thanks for your patience for those who played with me.

rollerblading was also a no-no to me previously.
well, i have started.
though i still cant go on my own.
and caused dear to fall with me, having scratches on her hand.
im sorry dear.
i will try to rollerblade on my own soon yah.

left4dead was also something i dont think i will play.
it is a game somewhat similar to counter-strike but this time round its shooting down zombies.
had an hour of LAN with pals and i dont mind playing again.

and i said i will blog about this and i will.
miss happy dwarf, wong sweefong is unique!
she washes her handphone screen-protector when it is dusty.
WOW!

and she speaks pretty fast.
one time we were real hungry while waiting for the others,
so we headed to the supermarket to buy things to eat.
saw the biscuits section and we both wanted to eat choc chip cookies.
she turned to me and asked, 你要吃哪一种? 这个比较多cheese.
i stunned, looking at the cookie finding where the cheese came from.
after clarifying, i found out that she meant chips not cheese.

was buying present for a classmate,
went into addidas and was looking for white polo.
found 2 that was the better one.
and the dwarf said A was nicer than B, as B looked very uncle.
then she stopped.
and after a moment, she said:
"but B suits him more leh".
-_-

i know you are very happy with your life now.
i know you may be hating me now for one reason or another.
i dont expect much.
i just hope we can be like before again.
this is all i wish for.


time to enjoy my last weekend before i enlist.
till then, take care pals.
(:

i finished typing this entry at 1:30 PM

Monday, May 18, 2009
i have finally graduated.
yes finally!

life's been pretty dull lately,
actually, many events happened,
but none can brighten up my life.

graduation day
graduated with a diploma, a normal one.
was glad that dear and bob attended it.
if not it would have been boring.

looking back at the three years,
i do miss those days.
days at cptc,
playing around doing nothing at all when lessons come.
days when we had sleepless nights rushing fyp.
those were the days.

frankly speaking,
i wasted 3 years, to add on to the other 2 i have wasted.


have been thinking a lot lately.
especially with regards to relationship matters.
conclusion,
classmates are classmates,
ex-classmates are ex-classmates,
colleagues are colleagues.

i will learn to leave the relationship wherever i got them from,
just leave it as where it is.
got to wake up that not everyone can become your friend.
most status are meant to be what it was
no point or meaning in trying to change them.
dont complicate things spencer.
its time to wake up.
i have tried my best,
maybe its time for me to let it go,
after things are done.

i finished typing this entry at 12:07 PM

Sunday, May 03, 2009
13 june, and i will be gone.

i refuse to take my napfa test,
despite many advices.
i rather enter army early and leave this cruel world.
working hardcorely to earn more cash?
actually those are just excuses.
why do i need so much money for?
work equates no time for other things,
go home damn shag and,
straight to bed.

wouldnt it be nice to just isolate myself with this world?

life has just not been good,
so damn bad.

should i sign on, should i not? screw the pay,
screw the slow promotion,
at least i am away.

i finished typing this entry at 10:20 PM

Tuesday, April 21, 2009
im blogging again, after so long.
well, was busy with work for the past weeks.
promotion ceremony, family day, working at outlet,
tiring, but i dont have a choice.
at least i had fun with the company i have.
*TSK*
went out with miss TSK, mr. chidian etc.
had a tough time being deprived of something,
but we had fun catching those soft toys.
(:

did not sleep for 36 hours and out of that hours without sleep,
19 hours i was working.
had a hard time waking up the next morning having only 8 hours of sleep after such a long time.
ushering millionaires was stressful,
having a hot day at the zoo was tiring.
work work work was all i could say.

its really very heart-warming to know that there are still people out there who appreciates and recognises people's hardwork.
was tipped by a customer today,
for being able to memorise all the countless unavailable items on the menu due to a private function.
its not a big sum of money,
it was just 4 bucks to be exact,
but it was the appreciation that counts.
at least they appreciated.

people always have the misconception that europeans are very friendly and are the superior people in the world.
i do practise favortism towards them too,
but after working in so many industries and seen so much,
i beg to differ.
many are really unfriendly,
but there are still nice souls around.
met one who will really look into your eye with a sincere smile and say "thank you very much" every time you clear her plate or serve her something today.
the couple and this lady really made my day.
cheers! (:


did you lose my number?
or you deleted my number due to the unpleasant things that happened?
i am wondering.

dear was so sweet to wait for me to knock off on sat.
really appreciate it my girl.
i love you.

BOB!
come back soon.
i miss you very much.

so much about work.
finally having a proper off day tmr.
when wed comes, i am back to work till sat.
long long way to the weekend again.
i said weekend cos i only have one day of weekend,
have to work on sats.
what to do?
poor people have to slog their lives to earn a living.
still looking forward to earning my first dollar that belongs to me,
now all that i am working for is not mine.
sadly.

class chalet next week,
hope its a good one.
that will be my last memories of my poly days.

i really have no idea where i am heading after serving my NS.
i got to sit down and think through it thoroughly.
its my future after all.


i finished typing this entry at 12:19 AM

Tuesday, April 14, 2009
everyone around me is unhappy.
so am i.
why is the world facing a happy crisis?

seeing you getting drunk is really hurting.
it used to be me getting drunk like no one's business throwing up,
it hurts to see you in such a state.
just remember that you will always have me,
no matter what happens.
just pour out to me when you are down.

to those happy people out there,
please stay happy.
and those facing a unhappy crisis,
hope you will get back to happiness soon.

bob,
hope you had a great trip.
be back soon.

dear,
all the best for your paper tmr.
you can do it!
(:

i seriously need to stop the alcohol intake into me.
its getting out of hand,
i know it,
but i chose to ignore it.
i will have to bear the consequences in future,
or rather,
im starting to feel it coming.

tmr will be a better day,
i choose to believe.
(:

i finished typing this entry at 1:18 AM

Thursday, April 02, 2009
work work work. all i can think of is to get a job.
but i am bounded by my ns term that i need to serve pretty soon.
i rather they let me know when i am supposed to enlist,
rather than keeping me in suspense.

Singaporeans are always late.
always!
kindergarten is supposed to be the first place that educate you.
i guess they forgot that they have to teach and practise punctuality.
schools coming late,
blaming us in the end when they dont have time to complete all the stations.
hello, we have a schedule to follow too yah,
its not like you are the only school coming for the event.
if any of you friends out there are working in a pre-school,
please please educate your kids what punctuality is and practise it yourself.
thanks. (:

friends,
please drink lots of water these few days.
the weather is real hot and dont fall sick.
like how i am now.
i swear i almost fainted few days back while working.
but i had to stay firm,
what to do, work and salary is of a higher priority than my health at this point of time.

this is how broke i am.
my account was supposed to be deducted off 2 bucks cos i didnt maintain 500 in my account.
but they only had 1.18 to deduct,
thus now my account is empty,
totally!

i finished typing this entry at 4:07 PM

Wednesday, April 01, 2009
firstly,
HAPPY 21ST AH DAM MEI! (:

kids can be cute, but those young ones are like pillars when you talk to them.
for once, i like an indi*n.
he is damn cute.

really had a good time working with the group of people for the past 8 days.
hope we will have more events to conduct together. (:

surprisingly, i went for '05's chalet.
i would admit that i enjoyed myself.
it was so much better than what i thought it would be.
all were drunk, how not to?
haha.

life's in a mess. get the rainbow out of my rainy days.

i finished typing this entry at 8:30 PM

Wednesday, March 11, 2009
paper aeroplanes.
thats what i was doing for the past 3 days that shagged me out.
oh well, was working in an event organised by science centre.
something to do with paper aeroplanes.
so, i was folding planes for the past 3 days.
got to know some pretty interesting people,
which made my days there pretty memorable and enjoyable.
(:
im sorry that i was unintentionally slanging away during work.
i swear it was unintentional.

saw the singapore book of records.
i was amazed by what singaporeans can think of.
most chocolate bars eaten by a group of people,
most number of people swimming in a pool,
those were real crappy.
but there were interesting ones like the fastest timing to reach the 7th storey,
33 seconds.
honestly, i cant beat that timing but i can hit one that is near that,
if the railings of the stairs can be used to aid you in getting up.
oh well, after all, i was trained by some monsters to become a monster myself in the past.
the creed i will never forget:
time and time again,
new blood enters the XXXX.
and when the time arrives,
the monsters shall XXXXX.

the full creed can/shall not be disclosed,
after all its our creed.

schooling days have temporary been suspended.
i am praying hard.
awaiting the next chapter of my life.
serving the nation.

i do hope that you guys will get into the university and course you have chosen.
all the best in your future endeavors.
(:


i finished typing this entry at 11:21 PM

Friday, March 06, 2009
firstly, i need to say, i am not emo. (:

honestly, i do not know what is going on in my life for the past 6 months.
its really been empty and there is nothing that i can remember and put into my memory.

i have lost control of my actions and life.
im sorry for those who are affected by my actions for the past 6 months.
i really have lost control of what i am doing.
have been doing things unknowingly and after it happened,
i would suddenly think back,
wondering why i did those things.
feels like being possessed or something.
this is no joke.
once again, i am really sorry to those who are affected.


i need to start gaining back control of my life. please.

i finished typing this entry at 11:09 PM

Wednesday, March 04, 2009
hello peeps!
i am back, i guess. haha.

exams are all over.
praying hard that i passed all my modules.
really praying hard.

life's been pretty lost for me lately.
well, if you have known me well enough,
i would go straight to work after my last paper.
but this time round,
im jobless.
several factors to consider.
firstly, i do not know if i can pass and graduate.
if, i said IF, i really didnt make the passing mark,
i have to go back to school in april.
the other is that i dont know when i am enlisting.
that makes it difficult for me to find a contract-based job.
and now, i am jobless.
which makes me so lost.

however, i am really glad that i have friends around me whom are really making my life not so lost.
its been so long since i met up with bob.
had a movie with bob and my girl.
okay i admit, i really cant recognise the european guys as they really look alike.
hence, i didnt really catch the show. haha.

tmr will be the annual dinner and dance for my school.
i really dont know what to wear.
the highest possibility is to see me in jeans and my normal shoes.
haha.

any job? intro me yah?! haha.
(:

since i have the time now, i shall meet up with people whom i havent met for so long.
xiao laopo, kong kong, derrick etc.
its been so long since we met up.

i finished typing this entry at 7:16 PM

Wednesday, February 18, 2009
something that really made sense to me, here it goes:


Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate.
He is always in a good mood & always has something positive to say.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,
"If I were any better, I would be twins."
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day,
Michael was there telling the employee
how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious,
so one day I went up to Michael and asked him,
"I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today.
You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood.
I choose to be in a good mood.
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim
or...
I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining,
I can choose to accept their complaining or...
I can point out the positive side of life.
I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices.
when you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.
You choose how you react to situations.
You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.
The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."
I reflected on what Michael said.
Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business.
We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care,
Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw Michael about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied.
"If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied.
"Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices:
I could choose to live or... I could choose to die.
I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine.
But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.
In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael.
"She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes, I replied."
The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.
I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live.
Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."
Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors,
but also because of his amazing attitude.
I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. 




life is full of choices. making wrong choices are inevitable. 
but if one tries to influence others to make the wrong choice,
it is an ultimate wrong choice to make.

i shall not say so much on the things that happened.
but i am disappointed in myself, 
and you.

life is short and unpredictable.
make full use of your life to do things that will benefit others around you.
dont keep thinking of yourself only.
i will be very happy to see a different you. (:

请不要把你的快乐建立在别人的痛苦上.

i finished typing this entry at 7:43 PM

lots of thoughts running through my mind.
maybe the saying is right,
ignorance is bliss.
in certain situation, knowing too much is a disaster.

i should have known from the start.

i hope you will know what you are doing soon,
i still want you to be good.
someone told me that i am too nice a person, 
thats why the one that suffers in the end is always me.
i wish you well. (:

i finished typing this entry at 12:54 PM

Monday, February 16, 2009
LOST is the only word that can be used to describe how i am feeling right now. 
but i deserve it, it was all my fault. 




the world in me has ended.

i finished typing this entry at 9:52 PM

when things have come to this point, a break off everything is what i really need.

life is just so unpredictable. things can change in any instant. no one knows what will happen in the future, not even the very next moment. 

my condolences to the student who left us, though i do not know who you are, i believe that you had a good life, be it outside or in NP. you will be remembered. 



trying to crawl out of this pile of shit.

i finished typing this entry at 11:49 AM

Sunday, February 08, 2009
im utterly disappointed. 
maybe you chose not to tell me,
or was it a lie?
it doesnt matter anymore,
you've got your companions,
its time i go.
all the best.

i finished typing this entry at 11:02 PM

Saturday, February 07, 2009
its been some time since i blogged. was pretty busy/happening these days. 
-went to desmond's house for a birthday cum gambling session
-went town to shop
-partyworld-ed with darling and god of pee
-went to CU
-went to god of pee's house to bai nian and was supposed to study for test, which only darling did.

one week, and it is gone. 
now its one week nearer to my exams, which makes it only 2 weeks to my papers.
and of course, graduation.

graduation may be a good thing, it may not be.
graduation marks the end of the misery of my classmates having me as a classmate.
everyone told me i have changed.
i do admit that i have indeed changed.
things are not the same again,
ever since then.
some said i am giving up on myself,
i think i just gave up hoping too much in life. 
higher hope held, higher amount of disappointment.

the 4 of us are also going to have a different life.
serving our ns term for the 3 of us,
while beng has one more semester of modules to go.
we were talking about the future when i stopped them.
cos im sick and tired of hearing the future, what we will be like next time.
like every other groups, the group may scatter in time to come.
but i will try my very best to keep it together.
hope you guys will do the same.


2 more weeks to go! 
now i have got to keep disciplined and focused.
i wanna graduate with that diploma.
(:

i finished typing this entry at 11:50 AM

Wednesday, January 28, 2009
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! (: HOPE YOU GUYS COLLECTED RED PACKETS TILL YOUR POCKET TOO SMALL TO COLLECT ALL, HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A GOOD TIME MEETING UP WITH YOUR LONG TIME NO SEE RELATIVES AND FRIENDS.

my new year was good so far, i hope. haha. had a great time especially when i went for the annual movie gathering with a awesome group of friends. and this year, our head count increased. could have been more though, but it was good even so.

oh well, this new year is somewhat different. i guess its the different people i am with. (:

you you you! (:

i finished typing this entry at 9:43 PM

Friday, January 23, 2009
finally, all the major projects and reports are over. it is all over! (:

what can you get out of sleepless nights and waking up early. all you will get is all kinds of sickness coming to you like they are free flow gifts.
at least thats what i got.

lost my compass. lost my directions. someone help me find my compass back.

was pondering over a statement made:
你有一个不常用的脑
its so true, i have been rather lazy lately. didnt even try to use my brains, though it is not a really great brain.
have been a walking zombie for the last 3 months. i need to get a life.

the lunar new year is back, after rotating a year. hope you guys have been preparing for it, cos its really coming real soon. may all have a great year! (:

all i need in the new year is health and happiness. (:

i finished typing this entry at 11:50 AM

Thursday, January 22, 2009
things have come to the point. there is nothing i can do anymore and i guess thats all that was meant to be.

the smile from your heart, the look in your eyes, says everything. you are happy with what you have now, and i will be happy for you too. (:


fyp is finally over. all the pains i brought to the people around me, the wrong decisions that were made, all comes to an end today.


i am very happy with the class i have been in for the past 3 years. all the fun, the joy, the sadness, all will come to an end soon. it will all end in a month's time. i have not been a good classmate to all in the past years, i guess the absence of me will be better. i really enjoyed the times since we started off, every moment of it. i hereby wish all of them a good future, be it in their career or studies. goodbye 04.

knowing you is one of the things i will never forget and will put it in the good memories folder in my mind. things were so unexpected. it came fast, but it was gone even faster. i know this end is good for you, no matter what, just be happy. (:


i finished typing this entry at 7:43 PM

Sunday, January 18, 2009
great meal with great companions and great hosts. thanks bob, and not forgetting your family for hosting the dinner tonight. (:

this week would be a real packed week ahead.
monday- prepare stuff for class outing (if needed)
tuesday- class outing
wednesday- eltech practical and presentation
thursday- FYP presentation
friday- submission of icp-ptech report
saturday- dinner at 50's house with frogman and beng
sunday- spring cleaning

never had such a packed week before. and after this week, its the new year. having a midnight show with the usual group of people on the first day of new year. hope it'll be as good, if not better, as the years go by. (:

i need sleep. havent got back enough sleep to make up for the few days of inadequate rest.

cutting hair has never been such a hassle before. called up monsoon but they had a fully booked appointment day. went to the salon near my place, they were busy till there were many customers waiting for their turn and all of them were dying and doing treatments. called them up for appointment but they said it was fully booked but i can try my luck to squeeze in the queue but no guarantees that i will get my hair cut. last resort was to the old salon i used to patronise.
was not satisfied with the cut i had. but there isnt a choice right. i should be contented with what i have.

the new year is coming! hope things will be smooth and good for everyone! (:

i finished typing this entry at 11:44 PM

Saturday, January 17, 2009
its finally over. for all the pain that was experienced, its time to say goodbye. (:

i know you dont deserve all these torments. im sorry that you had to go through all these for the good of me. there is only one word to describe how i feel towards you now,
SORRY
if only you didnt bother about my well-being and left me in the lurch from the start, if only you gave up.
if only i can take back time, i would have chosen to be cruel to myself and not allow you to do that.
you did it for my good, but you had to go through all these. im really sorry. i really am.
i really hated myself for being such a burden to you. im sorry. i thought i could do it, but in the end, i couldnt, and you had to take the fall together with me.

when things happen, there is no turning back. i guess i need to be more futurelistic when i make decisions, cos it will affect others too.

i really treasure the people i have now. a short "how are you" or just a "hello" means a lot to me. (:

probably a month more to end it all. and i am going to move on to the next phase of life, maybe it might be better as my qualities are that i am someone who can do practical works but am weak at things like studying. to those who have been through the different stages of education together with me, i treasure and will remember those times. im probably putting all these to an end, and enter the world of reality and cruelity.

dinner tmr at bob's place! missed last year's. i dont wanna miss this year's. so, i got to rush my presentation for monday. but its worth it. (:

i finished typing this entry at 4:23 PM

Monday, January 12, 2009
all things came to an end. im glad that you are good. (:

ohh well, went for runs yesterday and today. ran around the park 2 rounds before i ran out of breath yesterday.
well, i have been facing this breathing difficulty problem lately. i wonder why.
today, ran 2.4km in 11:57. its a bad timing, but for someone who was never a long distance runner to start with, its already a consolation.
moreover, i just recovered from my knee injury.
but guess what. my knee hurts badly after the run yet again. darn.
now i really have to take it seriously and get to the bottom of this injury, i dont think its just overexerting my muscles.guess i have to get back to the sports doctor to get another mc. hais, everything is just not going well now.
but i shall choose to take everything that has come to me positively. (:

i finished typing this entry at 6:27 PM

Friday, January 09, 2009
i am still addicted to sleeping. i was supposed to wake up at 6 to do some work before heading to school for project meeting, but i slept till 8.30am before i reluctantly crawled out of bed. this is bad. the sleeping virus is in me. how how.

all polys are having their open house during this period. and all thanks to this, most of the lessons are cancelled! thats good, means i can do other stuff with the time given. but then again, fyp is tying me down. darn. 

read someone's blog and the content posted is so real, but in any way.....

oh well, i am going to bed. gotta wake up early to get some cash flowing in.
have a good night peeps! (:

i finished typing this entry at 12:46 AM

Wednesday, January 07, 2009
PLEASE DONT read this if you are going to feel that the emo-ness is back in me yet again mr.hopless. thanks.

everything seemed well for the past 6 days of the new year till.... things got out of control. my actions and thoughts are no longer under my control. it seems like my nerves are numbed and im no longer in control. things are getting out of control. i dont know who i am. i really need time to cool down and gain control over myself again. it feels like i am possessed.

friends will show their true self in time. i have seen enough of it. i choose to believe that people are not the way they are but somehow, im just lying myself and not accepting the fact that those were just not them. im tired of how people around me are. things just seemed so different from what it was.

i swear i almost tear when i open your fcuking condenser intro. i've got nothing to say. im really trying fcuking hard to hold back my tears.

oh well, the emo me is back. but i swear its gonna be gone soon. this i promise you peeps, who are concerned. 


happily never after.

i finished typing this entry at 8:02 PM

Tuesday, January 06, 2009
projects are really killing me. okay, i just found out that i have one more project to handle, a project from ELTECH. like what can you do on electrical stuff?! ohh well, dont have a choice do i? if only some kind souls would volunteer to help me out in this project, i would love you for life!

its been long since i last done work seriously. i guess its retribution. for the past years, i have been the sleeping member in the group. but now, i have sleeping members and i have to be one of the people doing the work. what goes around comes around.

am damn disappointed with the papers i got back today. one of which, i was the person teaching my group of friends who hanged out all night to study together, but when the results were out, i was the lowest among the 3 of us, with a on-the-dot passed grade when the rest got Bs. i am just really very disappointed in myself, on the other hand, i am also proud of the 2 chaps who scored pretty well. keep it up dudes! (:
the other was a "i-dont-know-what-to-say" result. oh well, i practically memorised the whole lecture notes like my brain snapped pictures of the notes and stored them in. i could even tell you which position the slide was. oh well, i left real early for that paper as i finished the whole paper real fast. score was alright, but my ranking was in the middle of the cohort. i really dont know what is wrong and what went wrong.
one more paper to receive. my morale is low. i am not expecting much out of the paper.

bob asked me not to be emo over the results, i just am disappointed in myself. starting to doubt my capabilities.

someone told me this:  我没有觉得你是笨的, 只是觉得你不怎么聪明.

i finished typing this entry at 7:21 PM

Monday, January 05, 2009
its the fifth day of the new year! (: 

ohh well, its IS day. what can i get out of this day? the class was split into groups by ice-cream sticks with the group number on it. fair enough. but my group was totally silent throughout the discussion times given to us, practically only the guy beside me talking a little, and i just gave some comments here and there to his comments. the other 4 in the group were like vases and paintings around the two of us, total silence from them. till on different occasions, the lecturer came over and asked, "hey, this group doing prayers ah? like totally no sound or movements one." oh well,  i hope this is the last time i am gonna be with these people. 

i'm still thinking of the food i had yesterday. i promise i will bring you peeps there one day. (:

projects are coming to me like a heavy downpour. in a moment, i found out that i have 4 projects that i need to complete in a few weeks and 2 presentations coming in 2 weeks. SOMEBODY, HELP ME! ohh, if you CL cartel people remember kumar, i saw him the other day! i think it was friday. haha. okay, this is random. SOMEBODY, HELP ME! 

2 more days of freedom to mr.jared. but then again, it seems more to me like its 2 more days to freedom to him. haha. all the best in BMT. take care of yourself dude! (: 
he is one chap whom is so eager to get into army and chiong for the best. he is one chap that deserves my respect, there is hardly anyone trying to do their best in serving ns nowadays. where has all the pride of the young boys gone? ohh well, no more shall be said, cause i know there are lots of people trying to get the easiest job in ns and thinks it is a waste of time. this opinion of mine will be against many boys out there. 
mr.jared, you have my respect! (:

i finished typing this entry at 5:57 PM

Sunday, January 04, 2009
i know it is still there, slowly but surely, it might/hopefully will go. (:
i managed to get a little lesser sleep to kick the habit of sleeping too much. but i dozed off on the bus hitting my head on an uncle's shoulder. damn paiseh can.

just had a great meal with a group of great guys at an awesome place. well, if you wanna have good nepalese and indian food, you must go to the Gurkha Palace Restaurant located at little india. yah, i know some will be thinking i will be making some comments when i am there. but the food there is awesome and the price is real affordable. yummy. shall bring some people there someday for meals. (:
oh well, i admit i did made some comments the last time i went there but not today okay! and, i wanna tell you guys that i can spot a person at a far distance, not that i can see things a mile away, but i can recognise someone from far by the way he or she walks. but then again, my this superpower is a subjective power, it works on selective people. wait, i got to make this clear that the selective i am talking about isnt for me to decide, its real random.

i finally made an effort to do some work. forced myself to do work out of home cause i know i wont be doing anything at home. so, i am in a public library now doing the deadliest project again! oh well, what to do, it is called "project hollowman, hollowlady and the 2 horses working their ass off", if you know what it means. very little time left, so, work our ass off dude!

i finished typing this entry at 6:15 PM

Saturday, January 03, 2009
on the third of new year, i am stuck in school for 6 and a half hours doing the deadliest project in the 3 years in poly, PED! oh well, what to do, submission of report is about one week from now. and with hollowpeople around, the "rest" got to do more than what one is supposed to be covering.

anyways, on the second day of new year, i was a little shocked by the way my darling, mr.alvin, drives. i thought my brother was bad, but this lovely gentleman got me shocked. haha. was it on purpose so that i wont dare to hitch a ride from you anymore or was it just the wrong feeling you had when you drove us huh darling? haha. 2 hours of meetup with mr.50-dollar-man and mr.ouch-my-leg-hurts was real short, all we did with the time we had was to find a parking lot in town and dine at a fast food restaurant. but nevertheless, it was a great time with you guys. mr.alvin practically parked his car on the parking lot line so near the other car beside his lot just to avoid scratching the BMW on the other side. damn funny. haha. (: you better buck up your driving skills cause I AM STILL GONNA SIT IN YOUR CAR THE NEXT TIME YOU DRIVE, well, i am not afraid of dying in a car accident (choy!) for god knows why. hahahahahaha.

life is gonna be so fastpaced in the coming few weeks. test, report submission, elective presentation, final year project presentation, and exams are near the corner. no more time to waste=no more clubbing/pubbing/bar-ing/playing unneccessarily. but i will still play, who can study 24 hours right?! haha. i guess i will spend more quality time with true friends around more often. (:

i am forcing myself to stay awake till past midnight and get up at around 8am the next morning. this morning was a failure, but i shall forgive myself and look ahead. haha. some things that are left behind are not meant to be picked up again, so i shall let it down and move on looking ahead. (:

i finished typing this entry at 9:27 PM

Friday, January 02, 2009

Something I need to get rid of urgently:

MY SLEEPING ADDICTION


Out of the 24 hours in a day, I have been sleeping for approximately 14 hours and only awake for the 10 hours. Wait, isn’t one supposed to have around 8 hours of sleep a day to have a “fresh” mind and healthy life, crap, I am sleeping too much and only awake for the amount of time needed for sleeping.

To add on to the deadly addiction, I have been doing nothing during the 10 hours that I am awake!

I really need to kick this habit!


It’s the second day of the new year, 2009. The new year must have a new and good beginning to start the year off. Hope you guys had a good start, if not, it is never too late, it’s only the second day. (:

Was browsing through the calendar on facebook and I found out that there are already a handful of friends turning 21 this year within the first month of the year. Ohh, anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONATHAN! (: [though I know you don’t read my blog]


Napfa is in 12 days. Crap, I haven’t started training in any form. Wish me strength and power! Haha.

Which makes the final year project report dateline and ICP common test paper nearer with only 13 days left. Now I got to fully utilize the time on my clock.

i finished typing this entry at 12:33 PM

all about me
spencer
twentyone
26 sep 1987
ngee ann poly
spencer_wez@hotmail.com

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